Parents... what do you praise in your children...Process or Results?

For this blog entry, I could have used some pictures of my kids and their achievements or accomplishments.  All parents enjoy those times with their children and could do the same as me. Those are great moments....results!

Instead, here is a picture of one of Trosper's 2018 Christmas gifts, a weighted football. I took the picture on Friday night, 2/1/2019, after another one of his extra workouts he does on his own.  The football is filthy and already showing signs of wear. He is working his tail off to be the best he can be as a quarterback and football player.  This particular workout on this Friday night, I really enjoyed watching him. In addition to his passing work, he ran the same play over and over on air. First to the left. Then to the right. That type of dedication and focus gets me fired up as a coach. 

I have tried to make a conscious effort to praise my kids for the character traits that lead to success. When they are working hard, being kind to others, being unselfish, being determined, etc. I praise that behavior. I praise them for things that are in their control. 

When they have success, we celebrate it. It could be a victory, an A, getting a job, making all state, winning a pageant, etc. Results are celebrated and that is ok. But PRAISE is for their character and the things they can control. 

I communicate this directly to them and tell them why I praise what I praise. They need to know that. 

Now, I LOVE them no matter what they do. Why?  The same reason God loves me. I am a child of God. He loves me no matter what I do. These are my children.  I love them no matter what they do. 

Part of my strategy in doing this is that I want them to ENJOY what they do. When they play a football game, I want them to know I am already proud of the effort. My sons don't have to earn my praise or approval on Friday nights. If they play well, that is great and we will celebrate it. But, I am proud of the effort that goes into being the best they can be. 

I also have an ulterior motive in this approach... I am trying to eliminate the pressure of pleasing me or making me proud so they can perform better. Often, they will do that on their own and I try to get them to get that out of their head. But, I also know that if they will focus on playing the game and enjoying it, that will improve their performance. 

As a coach, I tell our players the same thing. The pressure is to PREPARE , Monday through Thursday the absolute best they can. Friday nights should be fun!

Watch your kids this week. Catch them doing what is right, and make sure they know you saw it! Often times, it is like pouring gasoline on a fire. The results will follow when you praise the process and the character.  It works, and it is right for your kids!