Good Friends, Wise Friends... when to speak up and when to shut up

Love going to the beach. Never heard a crab or pelican say one bad word about any of my friends. 

"Coach, I don't care what everyone else says, I still like you."  Wow.... NOW I'm feeling good! Lol

Heard a good story the other day about a school superintendent.... That Superintendent was getting phone calls/complaints,  EVERY DAY about his head football coach.  That Superintendent chose to support his coach, but he did not tell his coach about the calls.  He could have gone to see his coach... ."I get complaints on you constantly!"  But, he chose not to do that. 

AFTER the coach had built a championship program... THEN he told the coach about those phone calls. But, during that time, he kept those calls to himself. The reasoning, he didn't want the coach to worry about the complaints and he didn't want the coach to lose focus on what he was trying to accomplish in building that football program.  Today.... that football program is elite. That was a WISE decision made by the Superintendent. 

Do other people come to you and bad mouth your friends?  Hopefully it doesn't happen often, but it can happen. 

Here's a thought... don't tell your friend. Defend them, but you don't have to tell them something that is negative. Now, if it is constructive feedback, that 's different. If the person blasting your friend is someone they have to trust, you can tell them that also.  But, if there is no good that will come from sharing that exchange, don't tell them. It can just cause problems down the road. 

Some of my best friends... they have got edgy personalities. It seems like some of the edgiest personalities are also very successful.  And, usually when someone is bad mouthing a successful person, it often comes down to jealousy. 

The next time your "friend" is telling you about others that have been talking bad about you... be careful. Is this really someone that you can trust?  Is this someone that has your best interests at heart?

James 1:19 is full of wisdom...be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. 

When I was younger, I was very naive. Since my intentions were good, I believed that as long as I explained myself, others would agree and see things my way. The older I get, the more I realize, the less said the better, in many situations. But, if people ask and want to talk, honesty and transparency are the route to go. That will never change. 

Along those lines, be a trusted person so your friends can vent to you. I've got a handful of guys, they vent to me. Some times when they call, it seems like a contest..."how many curse words can you fit into one sentence?"  They are furious! One time, a good friend was on the speaker phone. Scared my dog to death. She ran upstairs and hid under the bed. 

I call them to vent as well... and hopefully fewer cuss words. On a good day, zero. But, we need those friends so we can vent and get stuff off our chest.  The best part after those exchanges, the good friend never repeats a word that was said. 

If you can listen and then keep your mouth shut, you have an opportunity to be a GREAT friend. 

A fun alternative... next time one of your friends is getting bad mouthed, tell the person.... "Well, I know where he is. Let's go see him and tell him to his face!"  Those conversations always end pretty quick! 

When in doubt, keep your mouth shut. It will benefit everyone, most of the time. 

Dr. King, Bluto & General Eisenhower....what they might have in common

 I love Bluto's speech at the end of Animal House when he mocks his fraternity brothers for being scared. 

Over the years, in several situations, I've had friends, well-meaning, caution me about what I say and who I say it to. I appreciate them looking out for me.  And, there have been times their wisdom was needed. 

But,  I always hate to see how we can fear influential people. Or, we can fear speaking out for what is right.  In those times, I always imagine telling General Dwight Eisenhower before he launched the D-Day invasion, what we are "scared" of. I think he would get a chuckle. Or, telling Dr. Martin Luther King in the heart of the civil rights struggle, what we are scared to say.  Would he smile?  Roll his eyes? Or, maybe think..."Good grief... I wish that was all I was facing."

The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 9:10) Sometimes, we don't fear Him enough. I might make the argument.... maybe we are scared of the wrong things.  But, this fear of speaking up for what is right to the establishment... I want no part of it and I sure don't want us to pass that on to the future generations. 

Tomorrow, go be you. Don't be stupid. But, don't be scared. If you do get scared, just imagine Bluto teasing you, or having to explain to the greatest general and greatest civil rights leader of all time, what you fear.  Let me know how that conversation goes! :)