Good Friends, Wise Friends... when to speak up and when to shut up

Love going to the beach. Never heard a crab or pelican say one bad word about any of my friends. 

"Coach, I don't care what everyone else says, I still like you."  Wow.... NOW I'm feeling good! Lol

Heard a good story the other day about a school superintendent.... That Superintendent was getting phone calls/complaints,  EVERY DAY about his head football coach.  That Superintendent chose to support his coach, but he did not tell his coach about the calls.  He could have gone to see his coach... ."I get complaints on you constantly!"  But, he chose not to do that. 

AFTER the coach had built a championship program... THEN he told the coach about those phone calls. But, during that time, he kept those calls to himself. The reasoning, he didn't want the coach to worry about the complaints and he didn't want the coach to lose focus on what he was trying to accomplish in building that football program.  Today.... that football program is elite. That was a WISE decision made by the Superintendent. 

Do other people come to you and bad mouth your friends?  Hopefully it doesn't happen often, but it can happen. 

Here's a thought... don't tell your friend. Defend them, but you don't have to tell them something that is negative. Now, if it is constructive feedback, that 's different. If the person blasting your friend is someone they have to trust, you can tell them that also.  But, if there is no good that will come from sharing that exchange, don't tell them. It can just cause problems down the road. 

Some of my best friends... they have got edgy personalities. It seems like some of the edgiest personalities are also very successful.  And, usually when someone is bad mouthing a successful person, it often comes down to jealousy. 

The next time your "friend" is telling you about others that have been talking bad about you... be careful. Is this really someone that you can trust?  Is this someone that has your best interests at heart?

James 1:19 is full of wisdom...be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. 

When I was younger, I was very naive. Since my intentions were good, I believed that as long as I explained myself, others would agree and see things my way. The older I get, the more I realize, the less said the better, in many situations. But, if people ask and want to talk, honesty and transparency are the route to go. That will never change. 

Along those lines, be a trusted person so your friends can vent to you. I've got a handful of guys, they vent to me. Some times when they call, it seems like a contest..."how many curse words can you fit into one sentence?"  They are furious! One time, a good friend was on the speaker phone. Scared my dog to death. She ran upstairs and hid under the bed. 

I call them to vent as well... and hopefully fewer cuss words. On a good day, zero. But, we need those friends so we can vent and get stuff off our chest.  The best part after those exchanges, the good friend never repeats a word that was said. 

If you can listen and then keep your mouth shut, you have an opportunity to be a GREAT friend. 

A fun alternative... next time one of your friends is getting bad mouthed, tell the person.... "Well, I know where he is. Let's go see him and tell him to his face!"  Those conversations always end pretty quick! 

When in doubt, keep your mouth shut. It will benefit everyone, most of the time. 

Dr. King, Bluto & General Eisenhower....what they might have in common

 I love Bluto's speech at the end of Animal House when he mocks his fraternity brothers for being scared. 

Over the years, in several situations, I've had friends, well-meaning, caution me about what I say and who I say it to. I appreciate them looking out for me.  And, there have been times their wisdom was needed. 

But,  I always hate to see how we can fear influential people. Or, we can fear speaking out for what is right.  In those times, I always imagine telling General Dwight Eisenhower before he launched the D-Day invasion, what we are "scared" of. I think he would get a chuckle. Or, telling Dr. Martin Luther King in the heart of the civil rights struggle, what we are scared to say.  Would he smile?  Roll his eyes? Or, maybe think..."Good grief... I wish that was all I was facing."

The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 9:10) Sometimes, we don't fear Him enough. I might make the argument.... maybe we are scared of the wrong things.  But, this fear of speaking up for what is right to the establishment... I want no part of it and I sure don't want us to pass that on to the future generations. 

Tomorrow, go be you. Don't be stupid. But, don't be scared. If you do get scared, just imagine Bluto teasing you, or having to explain to the greatest general and greatest civil rights leader of all time, what you fear.  Let me know how that conversation goes! :)

Head Football Coach: Reality Check

McDonald's in Maysville

Very much a bittersweet time. Jonathan Thomas has been family for 25 years. He has just resigned as the HFC at Mason County HS  to take over head of transportation. Congratulations to Jonathan! He was a freshman my first season at Mason County in 1996. We then coached together. We have been through much together over the past quarter century.  And, he did a super job as their head football coach. I am very appreciative of all that he has poured into that program for so many years. I am also incredibly proud of him.

His resignation reminded me of a story:

About a day after I resigned at Mason County, I was standing in line at McDonalds. 

Keep in mind, this has been 19 years of pouring your soul and guts into a program, community and kids. It is where you have raised your family. I was excited to go to Mercer County, but leaving such a wonderful place that I loved dearly, with great people, I was really struggling with all of the emotions.

So, in McDonalds, someone recognizes me, turns around, and says, "How will the football team look this season?"  My response, " I think they'll be pretty good, but I am going to Mercer County."  Their reply, "Who do you think the next coach will be?"

Wow! Not, "sorry to see you leave", "thanks for working like a dog for 19 years", "good luck at Mercer", etc. Who's the next guy?..... Are you kidding me!!

It hurt. In less than 24 hours, at least to some folks, I really didn't matter anymore. 

Don't feel sorry for me. That is absolutely not the point. God has blessed me and I have had an incredible life and journey. My reaction was wrong. I was being sensitive and weak. 

My point... all you head coaches.... you better take care of your family and closest friends. When it is all said and done, they will be the ones that are there for you.  Your value does not come from what you do. Your value does not come from the public's evaluation of you as a head football coach.  It comes from who created you. Don't forget, you have an audience of ONE, Jesus Christ.

Jonathan is going to do great as head of transportation. This is a wonderful opportunity for him and his family. But, over the next few weeks, some people are going to say some dumb things!   That's ok. This is just a heads up to other head football coaches.... don't get wrapped up in the wrong things & start thinking your value comes from a scoreboard or the opinion of others. It does not. 

Make sure you are investing in your wife and children. Invest in those that will be with you, no matter what you do or how much success you enjoy. 

And, on a positive note, all those people that hate your guts and think you stink as a coach.... when you are done coaching, they won't be around either.   :) 

Who Likes You? ..... Who Cares!

 

Talked to my old Coach this week. I know this, he's got my back and will be there whenever I need him. 

Interesting Conversation this past weekend. 

Someone said to me... "It is so hard to tell who likes you and who doesn't. People are two-faced." 

Being "liked" is incredibly overrated. And, it is fleeting and fickle. The people that like you on Monday, by Thursday their opinion may be totally different.  Being a head coach(and many other leadership roles)  can be  much like Holy Week.... on Monday you are the hero. By the end of the week, you are enemy #1. 

Colossians 3:23 makes it clear. We have an audience of One. Trying to please people is impossible, futile, and even when successful... temporary at best. Serve God, do what is right, and let the chips fall where they may. 

Quit worrying about who likes you or trying to figure it out. It is a huge waste of time and energy. And, really, why care? It is useless information that means nothing. 

What we need to figure out... 

1- Who can I trust?

2- Who has my back when times are tough?

That is going to be a small number. And, that is ok. If you are at "ONE", you are blessed and fortunate. 

In fact, maybe this should be our frame of mind.....

Am I trust worthy?  The people that need me and depend on me, do I have their back when times are tough?

Now we're talking!  

Have a great week and go be that person that others trust and they can count on during the toughest times!

Chris Lofton Stories: Wings, Panthers, FTS and One Bloody Chin (Trosper's)

It could be the region tournament in the Fieldhouse, the finals at Rupp Arena, or even Putnam Stadium.... all of those places, Chris Lofton was HOME. 

Chris was a 1st Team All State WR at Mason County HS. It was so much fun coaching him. Hard to believe but 100% true... as great of a basketball player he is, he is an even better person.  A few good stories or info on Chris:

1- He kept me torn up that he was going to Fleming County. When he was little and we would do summer camps, we would divide up and play touch football at the end. He would always say, "We are the Panthers!"  I think even then, his sense of humor and how smart he is, he was just needling me to get me going. It worked.  In HS, he would do his conditioning test in June before leaving on his AAU circuit in July. I would give him a ride home. His house was on the Mason-Fleming line. Good grief I was shook. Thank goodness he stayed in blue and white!

Photo by theguru, BluegrassPreps

2- Knowing it was unusual for a high profile shooter to play HS football, I won't lie to you... as discreetly as I could do it, I tried hard to keep him happy.  Chris loves to eat. He would say, "Coach, what are we having during three a days?" My response would be, "What do you want?" That's what we got. We sunk some money into those meals.... but it paid off. He was a strong student. His Mom & Dad ran a tight ship. He loved the wings from Greg's Pizza. Occasionally, we would get wings for the guys that had all A's and B's... and I knew that would always include Chris, and he would like that. Whenever he would say to me, "Coach, when are we getting wings again?" My response would be , "Tomorrow!"

3- Usually Chris would miss some late July practices because of basketball. That was fine with me. I was always just glad that he came back and was playing football.  His first week back of his senior year, August, we are getting ready to play the defending state champs, Breathitt County, in the Recreation Bowl. Coach Ullery is working some other guys because Chris has not been there. We look awful. I get frustrated. Finally, I say, "Coach, can we put Chris in?  He is going to play against Breathitt." Coach Ullery points at him and puts him in at WR. C-Lo says to Coach Ullery, "It's ok coach. I just like to watch him yell at you."  :)

4- In the Rec Bowl that season, we played at 5 pm and it was hot. About middle of the 2nd quarter, Chris comes to me and says, "Am I going to rotate?" I said, "Yes. We are taking you out at halftime. When halftime is over, you are going back in."  

5- Chris shot basketball... EVERYDAY, including football season. That did not bother me at all. What Chris did, playing both basketball and football at a high level, is tough. It takes a high character guy to pull it off. Chris has ELITE character. I trusted him. He was a GREAT teammate. He was not going to get hurt during football season, shooting basketball, unless it was something crazy. Because he is such a good person, he knew getting hurt would let his teammates down. He loved those guys and wanted to do all he could to help them win championships.  Besides, I knew his dream was to play big time college basketball. My role was to HELP him reach that goal. Not interfere, fight him, be territorial, etc. That would be dumb and selfish. It would be wrong.  

6- One Christmas Eve, Dustin Grutza shows up at my house to get the key to the weightroom. I don't have it. C-Lo has it and he is lifting weights on Christmas Eve of his senior basketball season. He was addicted to the weightroom. His favorite lift was straight leg deadlift. He was a warrior when it came to bench, clean and squat. People have no idea how hard he worked in the weightroom and how physically strong he was. Many nights, especially in basketball, he was a man among boys.  Very few basketball players attacked the weightroom like he did. His HS basketball coach, Kelly Wells, was way ahead of his time. He put all his basketball kids in weightclass and told me to take care of it.  I was always so proud to watch our basketball guys. We were a strong, physical team that beat the snot out of many opponents. No one intimidated our guys. Our basketball kids were talented, but they were also hard-nosed and would fight you. 

7- FTS... Feed The Stud. Greg Nord was at U of L and was recruiting Chris to play football. When he came by that spring, I was working on our script for the Rec Bowl, and making sure that Chris was getting the ball, early and often in our first game. I had never heard that expression before, but Coach Nord used that phrase and it stuck.  From then on, that is what we called the plays that specifically went to Chris each week.  If anyone was jealous of Chris, they knew better than to show it. But, I really think that was rare. Everyone knew he was a great person, unselfish and a great player. 

8- One night, about 10 minutes before Chris & the Tennessee Volunteers are going to play Florida on TV, Trosper slips running up the steps and busts his chin wide open. Blood gushing everywhere. Stephanie looks at me and says, "Do we need to go to the ER & get stitches?' My response, "Chris will be on in ten minutes. I'll run to the drugstore, buy a butterfly bandage, and do it myself. " Chin looks great today! Trosper being the 3rd child and a male.... the story makes a little more sense. 

9- One summer, took JCB to a UT football camp. We are in their new indoor football/athletic complex. I look through a glass window and see portraits of two people... Pat Summitt & Chris!

10- Over the years, several KY HS football coaches have expressed to me their appreciation of Chris and that he played HS football.  He proved that you can be a great HS basketball player and play HS football. No one loves basketball more than Chris Lofton. But, he enjoyed football and he loved his teammates in the football lockerroom. 

There are more, but you get the idea. Chris Lofton was a great athlete, but even better person. I am sure I'll watch some basketball this March. And, I especially enjoy watching the Titans and Lady Titans. But, I have to admit, I got spoiled watching Chris. In my mind, the month of March will always belong to Chris Lofton. 

Photo by theguru, BluegrassPreps

Celebrating & Coping.... When We Lose Someone We Love Very Much

 Overwhelming. How else to describe it. Covid. Tragic accidents. Suicide.  Cancer. The list goes on. Never seen anything like it in my lifetime.   So many people are hurting because they have lost loved ones. 

I've had 5 and 1/2 years to recover from the loss of my Dad. Really no words to describe how much I loved him, the impact he had on me, and how much I depended on him, even up to the very end. I still find myself on Saturday mornings after a ballgame, starting to call him on my phone.  

A few days ago I walked in the house and Emma asked me what was wrong. I told her I was just really missing her grandfather. It still overwhelms me at certain times. 

My mom died just a few weeks ago. But, her suffering was so awful, it was a relief and I praised God that her days of anxiety and fear were over. The fact that she did not die in a mental institution was a miracle to be celebrated. Her passing was the end of an incredibly difficult journey.  I love my Mom very much and I am thankful beyond words that she is well and whole as you read these words. A miracle that only Christ could make happen. 

So... how in the world do we do this?  How do we keep going when our hearts are broken? I sure don't have all the answers, but here are some things that have helped me. I hope this can help others.

1- Praise God because I know I will see them again. I know this because of Jesus Christ.

2- Praise God in the details. When I am particularly sad and missing my Dad, I start remembering specific details about our times together. Over the past five years, I've walked across the wet field of grass in the rain, headed toward Commonwealth Stadium, to watch the Cats play Tennessee (November, 1973) many, many times. On that walk, I remember him talking about my great grandfather and that I need to pick a job based on what I love doing.... not what will make me the most money. I think that talk sealed the deal on coaching HS football. I have many more, but you get the idea. 

3- I praise God when I see my family and know that my Dad would be so proud and happy. With my Mom's mental illness, he endured much more than he ever let on.  There is no doubt in my mind that he did so to help me have the life I have now, and to have his family continue to grow and serve Christ. 

4- I talk to his old players whenever I can. Or his friends. Or guys he coached with and against.  Anyone that knew him. Anytime I visit with those guys, it feels like he is right there, even if just for a second. 

5- I talk to others about him. Tonight, Cole Lanter (Boyle player/good friend of Trosper's) got to hear my Dad's dream... when he was at Boyle, he wanted to build one stadium where the Fairgrounds are located that would be used by both Danville and Boyle. He thought it would be great for the entire community. Obviously, that didn't work out. But, I want to be like my Dad in that regard... I would rather dream big and things not work out, than dream little and yes, you got little. 

6- Look through old scrapbooks from when he coached. Read his words.

7- When I get up each morning, go out and be who I am... a follower of Jesus Christ and John Buchanan's son. That gives me a challenge each day to do my best, serve others, love others, and to have a GREAT attitude while I do it.

8-Look over at the field (our practice field/his old Mercer game field) and his old fieldhouse/lockerroom each day I go to the complex. That sidewalk is a time machine for me.  I know they're not there, but it sure FEELS like my Dad and Robert Allen are standing on that sideline, late at night after a game, or during practice. Sometimes, I do feel like he is laughing at me when I get frustrated.  That's a good thing because it feels like we are together on that field for a moment. 

9- Thank God that I had a great Dad. I would rather have a great Dad and he is no longer here, than have an awful Dad and he is still here. 

10 - I remember them the way I choose to remember them, especially my Mom. Her mental illness... that was not her.  When I think of my Mom, she is her best. And...that is who she is NOW. Praise God.

11- Listen to old music... what he enjoyed and also what would be on the radio when I was with him and was growing up.

12- All of this... do it ONE DAY AT A TIME. When I think of a lifetime without my Dad, no way. But, TODAY, I can do this. I will get up tomorrow, and do it again. 

I hope this can help someone. 

Praise God... He gave us the people we love, He will never abandon us, and He has given us the ultimate & eternal victory in Christ Jesus. 

30 Years... Still Working to Improve: An Old Coach Learning From the Best & Brightest Young Coaches

Coach Gruneisen with our 2018 Freshman Team

Paranoia is my best thing.  Professional issue of the day is that I am getting old. I don't want to get outdated. I don't want what we do in our football program to be behind the curve and not the best possible across the board for our kids. And, old or not, I still want to be the absolute best football coach that I can be. There is still more for me to learn and much that I can do better. 

Brandon Smith before he lead our KY All Stars to a 2 TD victory over TN.

Last February, I drove to Bowling Green to meet with Coach Brandon Smith, one of the finest young coaches in the state. Yesterday morning I met with our strength coach at Mercer County, Josh Painter, another outstanding young football coach. Strength is moving toward POWER... strength AND speed. Josh has us changing with the times and I am glad. We use and have Tsunami Bars. Love them and GREAT for our kids! I couldn't spell Tsunami four years ago. 

Coach Josh Painter with our Titans

After meeting with Josh yesterday, I drove to Covington Catholic to meet with Coach Eddie Eviston, another outstanding young KY HS Football Coach. It was also good because Trosper got a chance to throw with some of the CovCath guys while we met. 

Coach Eddie Eviston w/ his Cov Cath Team

All three of those guys played for outstanding coaches : Brandon (his Dad, Chuck) ; Josh ( his Dad, Doug) ; Eddie (Bob Schneider-NewCath & Bill Cronin- Georgetown). 

I appreciate these young guys helping an old coach. I learned alot. I am a better coach because of those meetings. And, found out maybe I am not THAT old. Many of the things we are doing.... we need to keep doing those. 

But, old coaches.... seek out those young guys and listen. 

And, while I am at it.....young guys.... don't get your feelings hurt when the old coach doesn't implement your idea. That doesn't mean he isn't listening. It very well may mean he has 10-20 prior experiences and he learned the hard way... we need to do it the way we are currently doing it. 

When I was a young assistant coach at Paris HS, I made a suggestion to Coach Gruneisen in regards to some adjustments that I thought would help our defense. After listening, he said, "I don't want to do that." End of discussion, and that was fine with me. I understood he was the head coach. I am not sure that would go over as well in the 21st century. But, my Dad was a head football coach. I understand.... at the end of the day, the tough decisions are on him, and he will face the consequences for those decisions more than anyone else in our program. 

In closing....if you schedule South Warren (Brandon Smith) or Covington Catholic (Eddie Eviston), be ready. Those guys will have their teams ready to play. 

Reese Smith of WVU Football in our Athletic Complex w/ Tsunami Bar