Victory in Christ.... How I will remember my Mom

 

1966, Alexandria Drive- Lexington, KY

Yesterday my Mom passed away. It was a joyous day because it ended decades of suffering. My Mom has fought severe mental illness  for many, many years. Ever since I was ten years old, I would pray that God would heal my Mom. The way that I wanted her to be healed, it never happened. 

I sure don't have all the answers. But, through my Mom's fight with mental illness, I  did witness God's strength and love.  I saw it in my Dad and the way he loved my Mom... no matter what she would say or do. No matter how sick she was.

I saw God's love and strength in their Sunday School Class, and their Pastors,  at Centenary United Methodist Church, in the way they supported my Mom and Dad when my Dad was fighting cancer.  

God's love and strength was alive and well in the Maysville Nursing Home. In December of 2018, my mom was placed under Hospice care. She lived two years after that! Unheard of. But, they loved her so much, and worked so hard to care for her, they kept her alive even though all indications were she would die in a matter of weeks. 

I will recognize Jesus when I get to heaven because He will look like Lynn & Steele Harmon. We moved to Danville in 1969. Steele was the football coach at Centre and my Dad was the coach at Boyle County. They became lifelong friends. During some of the rockiest times these past 50 years, Steele's friendship kept my Dad going. Lynn and Steele both went above and beyond to love my family through some of our toughest times. 

My Mom's illness was incredibly difficult for her and our family. I didn't get the healing that I prayed for while she was on this earth. But, I did get to witness and experience, over and over again, God's unfailing love. And, today, my Mom is healed by the blood of Jesus Christ. The victory that was won yesterday, only Christ could win. She has eternal life. She is with my Dad. She is now more whole, happy, and herself than she has ever been. 

I could tell you some pretty awful stories about things my Mom did or she said. When I saw her on Thursday, the accumulation of hurt and illness was apparent in her face and her body. It was overwhelming. It was a burden that only Christ could bear. But, all that hurt and illness... that is NOT my Mom. 

When I was 4 years old, December of 1969, my Dad had just finished his first season at Boyle County. One Friday night after a basketball game, we had a Christmas party for my Dad's players and their girlfriends. I remember that night well. We might as well had the Green Bay Packers at the house. Those guys were my heroes.  I remember my Mom and Dad being so happy to have those kids in our home, the Christmas tree up, and my Mom in the kitchen making those Christmas cookies. I am not sure I ever remember my Mom & Dad happier than they were in that moment on Carrigan Drive in Danville. 

My Mom that night... that is EXACTLY how I will remember her. Stephanie told me today.... the way she was that night, that is who she WANTED to be. Today.... she is that person, but even better. 

The hurt, the ugliness, illness... sure, I know that all happened in the past. But, they will not define my Mom. I will choose to remember her at her best. I will choose to live in the knowledge that TODAY and for eternity, she is healed, well, happy, & with my Dad. 

God's timing is not our timing. But, nothing can overcome the love of Christ that lead Him to the cross. 

This Christmas, I will remember that December night, the kids in our home,  my Mom in that kitchen, making those cookies, and how happy she and my Dad were. I will thank God that He sent His Son, over 2,000 Christmases ago because He loves us.  All Praise, Honor & Glory to Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas! 

The Folder...Time Saver Tips....Finances & Responsibility

 This past Friday night our season ended against a very good CAL football team. As much as I wish we were still playing, I could not be prouder of our guys.  They worked, adjusted, and adapted to make 2020 a very successful football season. All of the KY HS football coaches and players did an extraordinary job to make fall football work in the middle of the 2020 Pandemic. I have never been more proud to be a KY HS Football Coach. 

Whenever the season ends, my "punishment" is to get out this folder, postgame:

Over the years, I usually start working, cleaning, etc. immediately after the game. There is no way I can go home and go to sleep.  In a step toward better mental health, this year I went home after the game. JCB & Caroline were here to watch Trosper play. They were leaving the next Saturday after lunch. Emma was home also. I don't want to be cleaning up after the season if my family is at the house... especially if they will not be there very long. Having my kids home has helped me understand better what is most important in those moments and forced me to make better decisions than when the kids were little.  It has been fun in 2020 because the kids come home to watch Trosper. That forces me to get home faster than I would in the  past. And, it did help in 2020 that we only lost twice. Trosper and his teammates played well.  Our team played some very good football this fall. Friday nights at the house after the game...most nights, we were celebrating a win. 

Due to Covid, we made a really good adjustment to our Monday meeting to turn in equipment. There was no meeting. We brought our guys in by class, separated by 30 minutes so that everyone would be staggered. They walked in the door for screening. After screening, they immediately went to the classroom and Coach Heasley instructed them how to vote for Captains and the council. After that, they went to the lockerroom to turn in gear and clean out their lockers. They had to be out of the building in less than 30 minutes.  They left out another entrance than the one they entered. It went great. Much smoother and faster. 

A couple timesaver tips for the young guys :

1- After you do the 2020 inventory ( I use an excel spreadsheet), make another copy of the same document and call it 2021InventoryPrep. In that document, make all of the numbers in gray instead of black. Go ahead and print it. Put it in the folder. When the 2021 season ends, you are ready to begin your inventory. You can see what you had last year at the end of the season, but since it is gray and not black, it is easy to write over it and document the new amount for each item as you inventory.

2- The "plenty" check mark. I use to count every single knee pad, thigh pad, etc. It was insane. If you look at an item that is relatively inexpensive and you have abundantly more than enough for the next season, don't count every item. Put a check mark in the column and keep on rolling. 

Also to the young coaches, and I cannot stress this enough, taking care of your football equipment is a huge responsibility. All of the coaches and student-athletes in your school are depending on you. If we don't take care of our stuff, we have to buy new stuff more frequently. That diverts money from other sports and those kids. I sure wish we had won on Friday, but I can tell you that Saturday morning, every single game jersey, all three sets (blue, white, red), was in the equipment room. The cost of a football helmet is going through the roof. Coaches Mike Johnson, Brian Rowland and Brian Sims made sure every single helmet made it to the equipment room.

A football program can't hide. You have to make money and you have to take care of your stuff. Every other sport is depending on you to do so. There is a big difference in replacing a tennis ball or a set of shoulder pads. We have a very small margin of error. We have to get it right. And, if you don't want that responsibility, you don't need to be a head football coach. 

So thankful our guys had a season. It was crazy, unpredictable & exhausting....  but it was 100 % worth it. 

Merry Christmas!

Scars.... going into what feels like the 60th week of 2020

 

When I was three years old, I was feeding my grandfather's bird dogs. He had them in a pen. The dog food was in a tin can.  Giving an indication of my inherent clumsiness and future lack of athleticism, I tripped in a hole that the dogs had dug in their pen. The result was that I cut my lip on the can of dog food.  It was a vertical cut, about an inch long. Pretty gruesome for a little guy. And, it is still a pretty good scar. 

Over the years I've come to really like that scar. I like to tell people I was a pirate before becoming a football coach... which is great because Emma loves pirates. I was once told by a doctor that a plastic surgeon could fix my scar. I said, "No Way!" I like the uniqueness of it. The scar is also a reminder that something bad can happen, but everything will be fine. 

The scar has become especially significant for 2020. It is a reminder to bite my lip. Sure, I can still say what I want to say. But, I need to say it in the right way and in the best way. And, sometimes, it really is best not to say anything at all. 

Believe it or not, we are going to get through this. When we do, I hope I have made my kids proud in how I responded to the challenges of 2020.  I hope that the words I've spoken and the things I've done have brought glory to God and helped others. 

As we go into the week, it is ok to bite your lip. Some times, it might even be the best thing. Have a great week!

The Healthy Purge... Leadership in the Toughest of Times

Leaders.... 2020 & Covid 19.... is this fun... or what?!?!

If you are in a position of leadership, there is a good chance that you have been blasted by now and even abandoned by some. Maybe even some you thought were good friends.

In 2003 at Mason County, we had a tremendous football team. In 2004, we were 1-9, not very good and it was very rough. We had to deal without a lot of dissension, anger and criticism. A bunch of dysfunction. Not all, but several of the bandwagon jumpers from 2003 were either gone or had decided that I stunk, we stunk, and we needed a new coach. 

During John Combs freshmen year and through the beginning of his sophomore year, we were in the middle of a seven game losing streak. It was rough. We had some of our best players quit. We had others that made poor decisons to remove themselves from the team... being part of a bad football team was not enough incentive to do what was right. One of the ironies of public education.... a good football program is a tremendous ally of the classroom teacher! Football provides leverage & accountability to get guys to do what is right so they can be part of the program.

So leaders.... if you have been blasted or abandoned, count it as a positive. People have exposed their character and the value they place on you and their relationship with you. Tough times are like a bright light.... not sure how much they change things, but they certainly expose what people really think about you. 

Now, those that have revealed themselves, don't be mean or ugly to them. Then, you are no better.  

But, be thankful...when things are tough and you need someone that you can count on, you already have a headstart on who those people are!  Because what is also revealing... who are those people that have continued to support you and have your back?  That doesn't mean they agree with you on every decision you make, but they do support you as a leader and a person. For most of us, there may not be many in that category. But, if you have a small handful, you are RICH. You are blessed. Be thankful for those people. They are special and God uses them to love, bless and help you!

Good grief, everyday seems tough right now. But, there has never been a better time in my life to serve, lead and love others.  The toughest of times don't change the character of God and how much He loves us. The Blessings are there. The good people that love others are there! Make sure we are those "good people". And, keep our eyes open so when we see those blessings and good people, we can praise God for them!

Coronavirus Lessons... Five, Six & Seven

I THINK the good news is that 2020 is halfway over. It has been a challenging year. Those challenges are also opportunities. More than any other year in my lifetime, we have had more opportunities for good and to make a positive impact on others and our community. Right now, everyday feels monumental.

My own personal battle right now is this.... to do a great job leading our football program through this time, and insuring that we are compliant with all guidelines, so that our workouts will continue. Our young men have thrived in these workouts. Their response has been outstanding.  The thought of me missing something or screwing something up, that would take away this opportunity for our kids, is devastating. My role... I have to get it right. As a staff and program, we have to get this right. Anything less is unacceptable. Everyday, seeing our guys work their tails off and enjoy being with their teammates... WOW! We MUST do all we can to insure our guys continue to have these opportunities.

To add to my blog post from April 4th, 2020...

#5: Being right and what the majority believe are not always the same. In 1896, Plessy vs. Ferguson, the Supreme Court said that segregation was constitutional and therefore legal. ONE man said they were wrong. His name was John Marshall Harlan and he was the lone dissenting Supreme Court Justice after the decision.  It took the United States 58 years to acknowledge he was right! Can you imagine telling some of the smartest and brightest men in the world, "All of you are wrong, and I am right"?  The most social media "likes", the most clever reply, is not necessarily what is right. What people think of you RIGHT NOW... vastly overrated. As Aaron Hogue of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes says, we have an audience of ONE. Colossians 3:23

#6: Value, Practice & Develop Critical Thinking. We are overwhelmed with information right now. Don't accept it at face value. Choose your news sources wisely.  And, sometimes, take a break from mainstream media, mass media, social media, etc. You may need that break just for your mental health (yes, talking about myself). Do I need to tell you the news sources that I trust? No. Why?  You have a brain. You are smart. You don't need me telling you what to believe and who to believe.

Consider talking to people on the frontlines of a situation and get their take on what they are experiencing. And, don't be afraid to change your mind. Changing your opinion is not weakness... it is a sign of growth.  Bill Walsh, the great 49ers Coach, said that often.

#7: Develop a criteria for evaluating leadership. For me, this is not that tough. When I evaluate a leader, I go to the 10th chapter of John. Who leads by serving others?  Who will sacrifice for others? Who speaks the truth?  How does the leader treat those that disagree with him or her?  A couple red flags... who uses fear to lead or motivate?  Who uses division to lead or motivate?  Please... this is not a veiled message for you to vote for anyone specifically in November 2020 and beyond. Go back to #6! Getting this off my chest... I am so tired of others telling me what I must think, believe or say. The LAST thing I will do right now is to do the same to anyone who is kind enough to read my blog.

COVID 19 is real and it is dangerous. But, the way we choose to respond to it will have more bearing on our destiny than the illness in and of itself. According to God's word, we are made in His image. With His strength, guidance, and working together, we can absolutely navigate this time we are in.  We are intelligent. We can solve problems. We can use our brains. We can find solutions. And, we can glorify Him in the process.

Tomorrow morning when we get out of bed, let's glorify Him.

Attacking 2020 with lessons from 1982

Like all of us, I am really glad to see 2020 half way over. Good grief it has been a crazy year. If I can get the same mindset I had playing HS football in 1982, the second half of the year may not get me as torn up.

Playing HS football on Friday nights, in central KY was a great experience. I loved my teammates and our coach, Larry French. I wore a red helmet for Mercer County on Friday nights, just like my Dad's players wore when they played for him. It was an honor to play on the same field as the Horn brothers and so many others.

Harrodsburg HS was very good in 1982. Coach Johnson was always very nice to me, but those guys beat me to death between the white lines. 

There was a problem in 1982.... we weren't winning many games. Nine weeks in, our record was 1-8. But, I loved football and Friday Nights. How was that possible?

It was possible because each loss only lasted a few hours. During the game, I never thought about winning and losing. I just played. By Saturday morning, I was already excited about the next game, and, amazingly, convinced we would win the next one. So really, out of 119 hours awake through the week, I was only dealing with a loss for a couple hours. Now, that moment at the end of the game, and we had lost, was awful.  I've never been a good loser, and it has only gotten worse.  But, the rest of the week was getting excited about the next game  and playing football under the lights.

I wish I was like that as a coach. It is a lot tougher getting over a loss as a coach. I am not sure why. I wish I could get back to that mindset I had in 1982.

Classic Album from 1982

So, we have made it to July of 2020. I am focusing on the rest of the year. It's going to be good. We are going to expect to win. We are going to expect good things. We are going to be the best we can be.

Pretty cool to remember, after losing eight of nine games in 1982, we did win our last two games. I think it is safe to say, for most people, those wins were unexpected. But, it didn't surprise me. We kept working and practicing. We stayed focused on what was next. The rest of 2020, stay focused on what is next. Let's be the best we can be.

Friday Nights are great.... but the REAL reason we need HS Football

This story could have taken place at Mercer County, Mason County or Paris. And, similar stories have taken place at all three, certainly. So, time and place don't really matter.

Three young men on one of my football teams, representing three different ethnic groups, have a conversation. The topic is raw and is centered around ethnicity...  or what most people refer to as "race". So raw, I would rather leave that specific out.

These three guys have this conversation. There is resolution. There is education. There is understanding. There is gaining the perspective of someone from another ethnic group. In a very practical sense.... there is the prevention of something really bad happening.

So, why do these three guys have this conversation that would make most adults cringe?  They are teammates. They have sweat, bled, and competed together. They have experienced great joy on the field and disappointing heartbreak. They have been there for each other when one is fighting an injury. They have continued to workout and practice hard, when they don't feel like it, because they refuse to let down their teammates. They have a relationship that makes those conversations safe.

This is not a plea to get football back at all costs. Absolutely not. My hope is that we find a way to go to school, play athletics, AND most importantly protect the vulnerable.

It is to say that a football program reaps real rewards that go way beyond a Friday night. The same things that make football difficult are the things that make football great. Those difficulties, when attacked together, by a group of young men, build a unique bond that transcends ethnicity as well as socioeconomic barriers. And, football cannot be a GREAT experience without the difficulties that are part of the game. 

For the most part, if kids are in a lockerroom together and left alone, they work stuff out. They are fine.

Over the years, one of the most rewarding things for me as a coach, is when one of my players, when talking about one of his teammates, will say that teammate's attitudes on ethnicity changed for the better after four years in our program. The diversity in our lockerroom and on our staff contributed
 to that growth. When that happens, that is a game changer for that young man's life, for his own children in the future, and the community as a whole.

We started a breakfast program here in Mercer County Schools in the spring of 2019.  It gives our youngest students an opportunity to have positive experiences and interactions before their heads are filled with lies and hate in regards to ethnicity. Our guys love doing this. They understand how they are helping to build the future. The little kids are in awe of these HS football players. In a lifetime of being in public schools, these breakfasts have been one of the highlights and most effective programs, ever.

My Mom and Dad taught me right and wrong. They said all the right things. But, at the end of the day, my perspective on ethnicity came from the guys on my Dad's football teams at Boyle County HS in the early 70's.  Their character and the way the treated me, made it real easy, the rest of my life, to recognize lies, bigotry and falsehoods.

Trosper has told me, more or less, if the adults will just leave us alone, we'll be fine.  Kids still need their parents, grandparents, coaches, teachers, and mentors. But, I get the point he is trying to make and there is some truth to what he says.

At some point, those Friday night lights will be back on. Those lights are cutting through the darkness, both literally and figuratively.